My hair is uncontrollable. It is shaggy and can take any shape imaginable. Most times when it gets too long, I’ll wear a stocking cap. I usually push my hair backwards and then put the hat on, so that when I take the hat off, it provides the best comedic effect. My hair springs forth and flails about, making me look like the protagonist from Beakman’s World.

When I do get a hair cut, usually in the summer, the barber woman cuts it way too short. Short hair + fat dude= I look like Curly from the Three Stooges. It’s not flattering in the least.  One time during a horrific error in judgment I shaved my head bald with the beard trimmer attachement on my electric razor. About half way through I was sitting on the bathroom floor, crying and praying to God that he’d allow me a do over.

As it turned out, he did not.